Sunday, July 17, 2011

The Twitter Egg and the Twittfully Challenged: A letter

How Not to Use Twitter

With so much information on how to use Twitter on the Internet, I still scratch my head every day and say “Really?”.  I wish TweetDeck had an “Ignore the Twittfully Challenged”, or just block the damn eggheads.  Look at this one…what is the goal here?

So, I decided to compose a letter:

Dear Egg Head,

I have noticed that you have decided to use Twitter, and I applaud your decision to get involved and utilize Social Media to attempt to expand your business and drive market awareness.  I am by no means a Twitter Expert, Twexpert as I call it, but I have done some research, and actually used several of the 1.83 million Google results on “How to use twitter” to form my tweets, and it has actually led to increased web traffic, improved market awareness and a new found interest from our current customer base.  If I may, can I make some suggestions:

1.       Lose the Egg.  I am not sure if you are aware that you have not added any profile information, or if you even look at your Tweets and how they are viewed, but I wanted to let you know that right now you are being represented by an intermediate result of the chicken reproductive process.  A faceless, deformed orb with a random colored background.  I do find the baby blue Egg Head the most calming and assuring, much better than the aggressive purple or distracting yellowish orange, but I am sure this is not how you would like to be represented.  So log into your Twitter account and edit your profile.  Maybe add a logo, or perhaps the picture of a scanner to let us know who you are.

2.       Thank you.  After looking at your Tweet, I clicked on your link and went to your landing page which was totally unimpressive and confusing.  I did need a scanner though, so I went to your competition’s site, which was engaging and informative, and purchased a scanner.  Note: Tweeting links to totally boring and useless content will not give you the results you want.

3.       Maybe use Hashtags? Obviously, you do not know what a hashtag is, or how it can help you.  According to the Twitter Wiki, "Hashtags are a community-driven convention for adding additional context and metadata to your tweets.  So in a nutshell, you can get more exposure through their use, and they help to categorize your Tweets for ease of search. Seeing that your marketing method borders on the “canned block of meat” method, be sure never to use more than 3 hashtags.  Some great info from twitter’s help here: What are Hashtags?

4.       Rethink Your Message.  Maybe try and peak my interest.  Being that my desk is an absolute paper nightmare, how about “You can get rid of the paper on your desk”, or perhaps some catchy saying or statistic about the #paperlessoffice.  I am glad that I now know the product ID number of the Fujitsu ScanSnap 1300, did you really waste your twit characters on that?

Hopefully this letter will catch your attention, and you will no longer be a faceless twitter entity.  More information below to help:

A Concerned Twitizen

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